As an adult I accepted that there was no legal action I could take in revenge for what had happened. But also, as an adult I understood a harder lesson: That the only way to get over it was accept that it had happened, look the abuse squarely in the eye, put it in the past, and move on.
So, you would think I would applaud Ron Tebo's claim that he confronted his sexual abuser, whom he called Butch, and that he made a video of the confrontation. It was an act that got him a lot of attention from the news media in 2010. People seemed to think it was a brave, gutsy act, and admired him for it.
I don't. I personally have to ask questions: Would anyone who had actually gone through that abuse ever go by himself and confront his abuser? All alone? And would that abuser allow him to walk away with a video?
What is Ron's story?
Ron claims that for about a year, when his sister was four to five years old and he was six to seven, a fifteen year old neighbor boy named Butch molested them both. But - sometimes it's unclear just which of his three younger sisters he is talking about. It depends on what report you read, and where you were in the video - when it could be seen. It's also unclear how long this abuse went on. One time? many times? There are lots of questions.
The video Ron Tebo posted on youtube just happened to disappear right when I first announced this blog was happening. Was that a coincidence? It didn't matter except now you can't see it: I had already watched the video a number of times. A short clip included in a news piece by WKBW Eyewitness News is still available here and here .
Ron, in talking about the abuse, would in some accounts say he and his little sister were living in Boston New York at the time of the abuse. At other times, he would say they lived in Colden New York. Yes, the towns were close, and they lived in a rural area. But, having been in somewhat the same position as a child, I never mixed up which town was my home town.
I've spent a good deal of time looking at the video of Ron recalling his story for reporters. As I brought up in my previous blog entry: Remember that looking down to the right with the eyes can be an indication of lying. This is one of Ron's biggest habits. Look at the video on this page. By the way - in the video that was on youtube, one could see that when Butch was recalling things, he looked down to the left. This, according to body language, was a man remembering - not making things up. Ron looks down to the left when talking about his sister's abuse. He looks down to the right when talking about his.
Other items that beg questions:
Have you ever seen men or women confront their abusers on, for example, The Doctor Phil Show? There's a universal body language that shows up when someone goes back into the mouth of that particular hell: We have a tense curve to our shoulders that shows the weight we have born because of the abuse. The spine is braced for a new blow. We hold ourselves tight, we are tense, unless something has happened to take that weight off of us. You might the impression that we know if we let go, we'll explode. Ron's body language was relaxed throughout the video, even when he was talking about getting Butch for what he had done. His face would be animated with emotion at times, but his body remained relaxed.
The editing of the video disturbed me. The Ron talking in the car to the camera was more like the Ron I've encountered, more vicious than angry. When he talked with Butch he turned on another favorite tactic and pulled a 180, which can be seen in the news clip: That of the understanding, "compassionate" Ron. Almost oddly thankful that this "vile" person was talking to him - the same 180 he showed to Jack McClellan in one of the videos I pointed out in the last blog entry. In the same way, he has sometimes written that he's appreciative of psychic Chip Coffey, whom he attacks a lot. For what? For helping him get noticed by more people?
On the youtube version, there are a lot of solo shots of Ron created at the location where he spoke to Butch. Would it be reasonable for a man being accused of child abuse, whether or not he was guilty of it, to stand by and watch this videotaping go on for what has been reported as thirty minutes of taping? Also, I must question - I heard and have read comments that Butch didn't know he was being videotaped. Tell me - would you have missed that camera if someone was coming at you for over a half an hour in an out of doors situation?
Below you see a story board modelled from different screen shots from the video. If Ron was keeping the video taping secret from Butch as he claimed - how'd he get all his face shots so close up? And - yes - most of the shots were of Ron's face. Butch is the man in the white shirt in two story board images below. For those of you who don't know what a story board is, it's what you use to plan a commercial or film's action. Watching the video, and how it was cut and pieced together, I got the impression of a video that was not raw then cut for time, but one that was edited and rearranged.
Did Butch molest one of Ron's sisters when he was fifteen years old? I watched Butch look down to the left when recalling things, and yes, I believe him, he did. Did a fifteen year old boy molest BOTH a boy and a girl? Highly unlikely. Like any person of sexual orientation, molesters almost always have one preference or another, not both genders. Butch said he harmed one of the sisters, but Ron really pushed the idea of his molestation AT the man. It was almost like - "Don't forget me. I was there. Me too." Butch consistently said "I don't remember that," and as he did, looked down to the left, in recall, not to the right, making things up. He didn't remember - because there was nothing to remember?
And what about the idea this molestation happened again and again and again? I saw several mentions of "repeated abuse." Yet - in the video, and in some reports, the attack happened inside a 1957 Ford Fairlane parked in the back of Tebo’s home in a small town in rural New York. More than once? Excuse me, but - you could never get me near the places where I was abused ever again. How'd you get TWO kids to come back and back and back?
There was no legal action that Ron could take. There existed at the time a statute of limitations that affected both criminal and private court action. But there was something that forced Ron to take down his website findingbutch.com. What was it? Was it because Butch COULD sue him for libel, and if the case went to court, Ron's entire story would fall part?
There was no indication that this confrontation was a life changing experience for Ron except for one thing: He brings it up a lot. Or did until now. That might change. When I finally put my abuse behind me, it was definitely a life changing experience. It's a process of letting completely go of it. Those of us who have been through this prcoess from beginning to end know what I mean.
In the end, one has to wonder - if there wasn't anything in that video but the truth, why did Ron pull it the instant he knew I was writing about this? I know that for a fact, because I was watching the video just before it disappeared.
Update: Thanks to a friend for pointing out this link on TYT Network showing a very revealing part of the video: Ron shows his two sides.
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